As I texted Bro No 4 to wish him "Happy Birthday" this morning, I went back to this day three or four years ago. It was a similar birthday-greeting sms that bridged severed ties and began healing old wounds.
Tony cut ties with the whole family after a squabble. Not a word from him and his family members. Not an inkling where they were nor how they were doing. It was that bad. The rift was close to -- I lost track of time -- 15 years or even wider!
Time eases the pain but it is forgiveness that has the miraculous healing power. Having learnt to forgive and seek forgiveness, I decided to trace him with the help of a journalist friend. He is in Johore, I was told and I was given his mobile number.
A birthday wish from a long-lost younger brother would be a good reconciliatory move. But it drew no response on that day. And to my pleasant surprise, Tony called a few days later. It made my day! He too has forgiven!
We caught up on lost time, mainly on how and what the children are doing. His Daughter No 1 is in Singapore and Daughter No 2 will be in MMU. Never once did we venture into the mutually designated prohibited zone of the squabble. It was too painful.
We finally met up in Penang just before Chinese New Year for wedding of the only son of Bro No 1. Mother too opened up to Tony's reconcliatory gestures. There was forgiveness in the air...
Oh, the wonders of forgiveness! It lifts the boulder of pain. It opens up the heart. It uplifts the spirit. It sinks in the reality of the impermanent nature of things. Nothing remains permanent... even the body that we call our own is impermanent. So why do we still cling on and subject ourselves to anger, hatred and grudges?
It simply amazes me... so much to learn from life.
Tony cut ties with the whole family after a squabble. Not a word from him and his family members. Not an inkling where they were nor how they were doing. It was that bad. The rift was close to -- I lost track of time -- 15 years or even wider!
Time eases the pain but it is forgiveness that has the miraculous healing power. Having learnt to forgive and seek forgiveness, I decided to trace him with the help of a journalist friend. He is in Johore, I was told and I was given his mobile number.
A birthday wish from a long-lost younger brother would be a good reconciliatory move. But it drew no response on that day. And to my pleasant surprise, Tony called a few days later. It made my day! He too has forgiven!
We caught up on lost time, mainly on how and what the children are doing. His Daughter No 1 is in Singapore and Daughter No 2 will be in MMU. Never once did we venture into the mutually designated prohibited zone of the squabble. It was too painful.
We finally met up in Penang just before Chinese New Year for wedding of the only son of Bro No 1. Mother too opened up to Tony's reconcliatory gestures. There was forgiveness in the air...
Oh, the wonders of forgiveness! It lifts the boulder of pain. It opens up the heart. It uplifts the spirit. It sinks in the reality of the impermanent nature of things. Nothing remains permanent... even the body that we call our own is impermanent. So why do we still cling on and subject ourselves to anger, hatred and grudges?
It simply amazes me... so much to learn from life.
3 comments:
KL Lim,
I know exactly what you mean.
and how wonderful it must be for your family to embrace your brother, as much as he has embraced his "long-lost" family.
Hello Mr Lim, I was blog hopping and found your jottings from a comment you left in Nuraina's blog.
May I comment?
Forgiveness is powerful. It has a knack of bridging years of discord. It must have been a beautiful moment to finally have Tony in the midst of a family reunion. As you said, "Time eases pain" but I believe that forgiveness heals wounds. Forgiveness is indeed a powerful and miraculous thing.
Aina: Thanks for the wonderful thoughts.
JT: Thanks for the visit and glad to know you share the point of view on forgiveness.
Actually what prompted me to post on this topic was my own personal experiences on forgiveness. It is not something easily done with ego and pride always posing as the hindrance. But once we have cleared this hurdle, one will find how easy and theraputic it is. Just try this and do it spontaneously... go up to the one you care, particularly an elder, and just ask for forgiveness from the heart for any wrong in thought, speech and action. See how it works! Tears will well in the eyes and a heavy burden will be lifted for both parties.
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