Happiness 101

One moment happiness; the next, sadness. That's the pendulum swing of life that I experienced in the past few weeks. No. More correctly, that's what I have been experiencing throughout my life!

Nevertheless, it was how the events unfurled in the last few weeks that allowed me to see with greater clarity, this true nature of things.

It was happiness travelling to Johor Baru to attend the wedding reception of my niece, Daughter No 1 of Brother No 4, and seeing her the first time in 13 or 14 years. Girl, as we fondly call her, was a picture of bliss in the arms of her man, Aaron. Bro Tony was every inch a proud father. Sis-in-law Linda, who, though looked stressed at the reception, was equally as happy.

The tears and the hugs at the end of the dinner spoke aloud of the joy Girl was in seeing us -- her shu-shu (younger uncle) and shen-shen (aunt) whom she had nearby when she grew up in Kuala Lumpur. I shared that joy too but our time together was limited. I had a long drive to Penang the next morning as I had promised Bro No 2 a ride back so that I can celebrate Vesak with mum as well.

The joy of waking up on Vesak morn in Penang is something I have not experienced in many years. As I offered prayers to the Buddha first thing in the morning at home, mum was out early heading to the temple to help out at the kitchen. Even at 87, she is still an able hand. Later, I fetched her from Penang Buddhist Association for Phor Tay for the late morning prayers. I observed from the back, how able mum was at the front. She fussed over the offerings and made sure they were passed around in an orderly manner and with reverence. Mum, oh mum! I have nothing but reverence and admiration for you.

That blissful moment as prayer began was shattered by the phone. Shucks! Should have put it on silent mode. It was a client and what could it be other than work! She wanted me to call an editor to follow up on an interview arrangement for later in the week, which I refused on account that it was the editor's holiday and it was impolite to do so.

I knew she was not happy. That spoiled my Vesak. How could she be so inconsiderate! It bugged me for the next few days. I carried that around like a boulder round my neck. It weighed me down. I just could not fathom, how I allowed myself to be so affected by this.

The day I got back to work after the holidays, I was informed by her office that she was unhappy and wanted a meeting, possibly to give me a tongue-lashing. That added on to the unhappiness until one morning, while waiting to send Son No 2 to school, I saw the book by Lama Thubten Zopa Rinpoche lying around. I just turned to one of the pages and the chapter "Fulfilling Life's Purpose" caught my attention.

What jumped out at me were his statement that "the purpose of our life is not simply to solve our own problems, to gain happiness for ourselves...each of us has this universal responsibility to bring the greatest happiness to all sentient beings". Yes, but how? There are the inconsiderate. The unkind. The irritants, etc etc etc.

Zopa Rinpoche's answer is simple yet profound. "If you generate compassion in your mind, you will not harm others. Peace and happiness is the absence of harm. By not harming others, you are offering them happiness and peace. So all this peace and happiness that others experience as a result of your compassion has come from you, depends upon you. It is in your hands, because it is up to you whether or not you generate compassion towards others."

He added: "An hour, a minute before you changed (to maintaining mindfulness of this universal responsibility), you were acting out of ego and self-centeredness... because you were motivated by ego, attachment ruled your mind and your actions did not become a cause of everlasting happiness...if there's no compassion in your heart, what you're left with is ego, the self-centered mind. That means your entire life is dedicated to your own happiness. But what about others? They also want to be happy. You're not the only one who needs happiness; others also need happiness..."

How true. I was preoccupied with my own happiness. My Vesak. My holiday. My ego was deflated by that client so-called untimely instructions. The client could have acted out of pursuit of her own happiness. As Zopa Rinpoche rightly pointed out that when one is under the influence of ego, it's very easy to clash with others in daily life. The self-centered mind causes problems. As long as one acts out of ego, one harms others. This is because the ego is intent on achieving happiness for oneself at the expense of others.

He advises that it does not matter whether other people practice compassion or not. Do it first. Develop the good heart.

Just reflecting on that changed the frame of mind I was in. The unhappiness dissipated. I felt compassion towards the client. I am more at peace, just bearing in mind that the happiness of others starts with me, the self-centred I.

By the way, the purported tongue-lashing meeting was postponed at the last minute to a later date. I am no longer worried nor affected by it. Thank you Rinpoche. I shall treasure this teaching.